Foreword

According to a narration attributed to Hazrat Aisha, Prophet Muhammad said: ‘The best among you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family.’” (Sunan At-Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 3895)

Families are fundamental units of society, collectively shaping its fabric. If families are in good order, society will follow suit. Conversely, if families sink into a low moral state, society cannot prosper. Every person is born into a family, where he experiences his first lessons about home, family, and society. Therefore, we must improve families’ quality and focus on children’s positive upbringing to improve society.

Everyone experiences both positive and negative aspects. In a family, however, all these experiences remain confined within the boundaries of the home. Within the home, individuals, regardless of gender, learn the importance of alleviating the distress of family members and wholeheartedly acknowledging the benefits bestowed upon them. The positive upbringing of children is, therefore, essential. The Messenger of God, peace be upon him, said:

“There is no gift that a father gives his child more virtuous than good manners.” (Sunan At-Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 1952)

Another tradition in this regard is as follows: “Anas ibn Malik narrated that the Prophet of Islam said, “Treat your children well and teach them good manners.” (Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith No. 3671).

These traditions emphasize treating children well while focusing on instilling good manners in them. Here, good manners encompasses training in life management. This means teaching children to live in the world to become an asset rather than a liability to their family and society.

To prepare children for a better life, we must prepare them in their formative years at home. The personality formed during this period becomes deeply ingrained within a person. Parents must realize that mistakes made in their child’s upbringing during this phase cannot be easily compensated for in the future. While corrective measures may be possible under exceptional circumstances involving shocking experiences that can become a turning point for him, such instances are rare when such experiences cause a positive revolution in a person. Therefore, it is crucial to prioritize providing a nurturing and balanced upbringing during the child’s formative years.

Then, it is crucial to refrain from pampering children in the name of love, just as one would abstain from anything forbidden. Pampering disconnects the child from the realities of life, hindering the development of a realistic approach.  Moreover, it fosters a self-centred personality, which becomes a significant obstacle to achieving a successful life. Pampering children is the worst gift parents can give their children. According to the natural order, a child is not meant to remain in the shelter of their parents’ lap indefinitely. They are born to explore the world’s vast fields, engage in life’s struggles, and gather experiences to shape their future.

Consequently, familiarizing a child with excessive parental affection contradicts the natural scheme of life. Parents ought to comprehend this inherent reality and raise their children accordingly. True love for a child lies in preparing him to face the realities of the future rather than making him live in a world that does not exist beyond their parents’ lap.

Parents must train their children to lead a principled life. For instance, instilling in children the attitude of refraining from complaining about others and making them realize that they alone will bear the consequences of their mistakes. No one else will pay the price for their errors. Complaining about others is a futile use of time. They must help them to reflect on their mistakes in every situation, make corrections, and strive to become better individuals. They should help them make modesty their guiding principle, rejecting attitudes of pride and superiority. They should hold themselves accountable rather than try to hold others responsible, thus channelling their time and energy into productive endeavours.

Parents should follow simplicity in their homes and lives so that their children can focus on the higher realities of life. Parents should strive to develop a strong understanding of monotheism and Islamic beliefs in their children. The remembrance of God and engagement in worship should become integral components of their personality. They should adhere to prayers and fasting. The desire for charity and good deeds should be instilled in them, and they should develop a passion for the daily study of the Quran and Hadith. Observing them, everyone should recognize them as pious children.

Then, parents must make their children understand the Creation Plan of God, that the present worldly life serves as a test for man. One kind of life can lead individuals toward Paradise, while another makes them deserving of eternal deprivation. This testing nature of life is related to the affairs within one’s home and the affairs outside the home. The essence of this matter is that individuals should make their Creator their most significant concern. One who makes other things besides God their concern will not pass the test and rise as destitute in the Hereafter when all his support has been cut off from them. At that time, they will lament, realizing their wealth did not benefit them and their power has vanished (Quran 69:28-29). Understanding this, parents must instil duty-consciousness rather than right-consciousness in their children. They must help them embrace positive thinking while guarding against negative thoughts. When children are brought up in such a manner, they will exemplify the highest moral character and contribute to the betterment of society.

This exemplifies the essence of the upbringing of children. It is not about allocating specific times to sit with children and deliver lectures or advice to them. When practical situations arise within the home, offering the children a choice between the right and wrong paths ensures their proper upbringing. In such instances, emotions must be controlled, personal losses endured, and the appropriate guidance provided to family members. Their minds should be redirected in the right direction. Upbringing is given within these circumstances, not through preaching sermons.

Based on my experience, I advise parents to introduce printed and online CPS material to their children diligently. Encouraging them to engage with our curated audio and video content is equally essential.

The greatest guarantee for children’s progress lies in cultivating a realistic approach and the spirit of action within them. Parents should awaken their children’s inner potential, understand their circumstances, and shape their lives accordingly. Actual progress is achieved through diligence and hard work; progress bestowed by others is not genuine progress. This is the way forward for those interested in the upbringing and education of their children.

Wahiduddin Khan

January 2019
New Delhi, India