4. When does self-respect become ego?

Some take self-respect as an excuse to play a demanding and revenge-seeking role. What they do not realize is that being demanding and revenge-oriented is a negative manifestation of ‘ego,’ which has no place in Islam. Islam teaches its proponents to be firm when it concerns a duty; not to be stubborn in demanding a right.

A duty-oriented mindset looks at fulfilling the rights of others whereas the mindset of seeking revenge simply aggravates the negative effects of a person’s ego. A very important principle to keep in mind is that doing one’s duty is a virtue only when it does not create another issue.

The Companions of the Prophet had migrated from Makkah to Madinah. When Makkah was brought back into the fold of Islam, many Companions said that they should take back their property which they had left behind in Makkah. When the Prophet came to know this, he announced that they all should immediately return to Madinah – he did not allow the redeeming of lost property, as it would have opened up a new chapter of avenging what was once lost. Those who were occupying the property would not have given it up so easily.

During my days at my home village, a person once usurped an area encompassing thirty trees from our orchard. A village neighbour, when he learnt of this, told me that he would help me retrieve the ownership on gunpoint! I refused. I told him that retrieval would not put an end to the chain reaction that would begin.

In essence, we must always think if a new problem is getting created or getting resolved. After thinking on these lines, we should determine our course of action.