19. What causes depression and indecisiveness?
Depression and indecisiveness are the outcome of not being able to understand reality.
Often people see the truth or right and wrong in an absolute sense. However, the reality is that the truth or right and wrong are relative in nature; some may adhere to it in one way and some may adhere to it in another way. It is this difference in the way the model is observed, which causes indecisiveness.
For example, if the boss does not listen to the subordinate, it ends up making the subordinate angry because he is not able to make his senior realize what he feels is the truth. We must let the reality prevail. In practical life, one person is a giver and another a receiver. The one who gives holds leverage over the one who receives. So, imagining that the giver would listen and follow the receiver’s model is being impractical.
Once Mr. Nelson Mandela visited Delhi for a conference. I was given a ticket to visit the conference and when I reached the venue hall, I realized that I had a back seat. I expected my seat to be in the front few rows and was not appreciative of it until I realized that the arrangement was in line with the prioritization done by the organizer. This prioritization by others was irrespective of my self-image. I realized that ‘truth’ is a relative term, which we must be prepared to re-discover. Reality in the eyes of God is absolute, but reality in society is a relative term. This is so because man has freedom and he is free to use or misuse his freedom in society. For instance, if I want a house, it is a realistic target but if I want a house free of outdoor nuisance, it is not solely determined by me and therefore it is an unrealistic target. I have no control over others causing nuisance on the streets in front of my house. I will have to delink the two, otherwise I will succumb to depression because of non-achievement of an unrealistic target.
In this world, one invariably suffers losses, even Mr. Donald Trump, President of the United States of America, the most powerful person in this world is reported to have said that he felt like he is living in a cocoon in the White House with all the protocols and restrictions. That is his reality. He can be the most powerful person in this world but he cannot change his reality.
Everyone suffers losses. If loss is considered a matter of fact, everything falls into place, otherwise not. In order to determine reality, we must not get emotional. Being objective about reality entails acceptance of what we have received. Any other criterion to evaluate reality is incorrect.
We should learn the practical way to approach life. How workable should our targets be and not give into frustration when things are not happening our way. There are always two kinds of factors in every situation, extrinsic and intrinsic. For example, we can be the most responsible driver on the road but we can still land into a fatal accident due to someone else’s mistake. Similarly, we can be the best prepared for an exam but we can never actually have any influence over how the question paper is designed. We can sit for an interview fully prepared but we can never actually guarantee that we will be selected or how the selection committee will review our candidature. The realistic approach is to factor in the extrinsic elements in life and accept them as a reality over which we have no control. This is the only way we will not depress ourselves asking questions such as ‘Why me?’ and ‘Why isn’t it working after all my efforts?’
