On Anger, Stress and Conflict
Positive Response at the Moment of Anger
Social problems are the constant concern of the Quran and it sets about addressing them. One of these kinds of problems is anger – a phenomenon which is in evidence in every society. In fact, wherever there are two persons, there must also be provocation and anger. On this subject, the Quran gives a piece of guidance in the chapter Al-‘Imran (The Family of Imran). Its translation is as follows:
For those who spend, both in prosperity and adversity, who restrain their anger and are forgiving towards their fellow men – God loves those who do good works. (3:134)
In this verse the Quran does not say that a true believer is devoid of anger; it says instead that a true believer is one who is able to restrain his anger. So, the definition of a true believer is not one who is free of anger, but one whose faith is so powerful that he is able to control his temper whenever the fire of anger begins to smoulder in his heart.
Anger is not an evil. It is a part of human nature. In fact, anger is a negative expression of a healthy aspect of human nature. A human being is a sensitive animal endowed with conscience which tells him what is good and what is bad. So, it is but natural that when he sees some unprincipled behaviour or an immoral act, he becomes disturbed. But in such a situation, there are two options: to show a negative reaction or give a positive response.
A person of elevated character is one who has the ability to give a positive response at that time. A negative response
The message of the Quranic verse is: Do not give a hateful reaction but try rather to give a response out of well-wishing.
arises out of hate, whereas a positive response flows from love and compassion. The message of the Quranic verse is: Do not give a hateful reaction but try rather to give a response out of well-wishing.
Anger is generally the result of provocation, and provocation is a test of your capacity to exercise self-control. It useful to view provocation simply as a challenge to your imperturbability. So at the time of provocation, prove to be a person who can maintain his or her equilibrium and rise above all irritants. Be the master of your negative sentiments. This upholds the true dignity of human beings, both men and women.
Do Not Provoke Others
During the Prophet’s time, some of his companions used objectionable language against the gods of the non-believers. This resulted in a reaction from the other party. In this situation, the Quran gave a very important piece of advice to the believers. This is recorded as follows in the chapter Al-An‘am (The Cattle):
Do not revile those [beings] whom they invoke instead of God, lest they, in their hostility, revile God out of ignorance. Thus to every people We have caused their actions to seem fair. To their Lord they shall all return, and He will declare to them all that they have done. (6:108)
God Almighty never guided the Muslims to require others not to abuse Him or the Prophet of Islam; instead, God Almighty advised Muslims to refrain from using derogatory language about the idols of others. That would only provoke them and in return they would abuse God and His Prophet.
This verse sets an example. Muslims must unilaterally uphold ethical standards on this issue. In other words, the Quran points to the reason for conflict: provocation. If one refrains from provocation, one will automatically save oneself from retaliation.
If you are hurt by the negative statements of others, you are not allowed to demand that others should not hurt you. It is your problem and not that of others. According to Quranic teachings, one must keep one’s patience and refrain from giving the other party the chance to hit back. This principle can be called the ‘save yourself’ formula. Don’t make demands of others, but rather control yourself in your speech and behaviour.
This formula gives the easiest solution to problems of antagonism. Moreover, by this method you can save your time and energy and can find more time for constructive activities. This formula saves you from being a victim of distraction, for distraction always leads to useless, time-consuming activities.
It is pointless to say to others: “Don’t hurt me!” It is better to avoid hurting others and then the problem is instantly solved. It is not the believer’s task to complain about others’ behaviour or to demand that others remain silent or refrain from using such language as does not suit the believers.
The Best Way of Settlement
In the chapter Al-Nisa’ (Women) the Quran gives guidelines on resolution of disputes. The translation of the relevant verse is as follows:
If a woman fears ill-treatment or indifference on the part of her husband, it shall be no offence for her to seek a reconciliation, for reconciliation is best. But people are prone to selfish greed. If you do good and fear Him, surely God is aware of what you do. (4:128)
Here the Quran enjoins us to adopt the policy of reconciliation in controversial matters. The immediate context of this verse is the resolution of husband-wife differences, but the Quran, by giving a particular reference, gives a general direction. The policy of reconciliation is not only effective for problems between husband and wife, but is equally useful for all other problems, both national and international.
When controversy arises, reconciliation is the best course. That is, you have to adopt a conciliatory rather than a confrontational approach. The conciliatory approach
According to Quranic teachings, one must keep one’s patience and refrain from giving the other party the chance to hit back.
always minimizes the problem, while the confrontational approach aggravates matters, while leaving the initial problem unsolved.
The fact is that you are not living on an isolated island; you are bound to live in society. You have no option other than to live with others, with a family, with a society, with a nation – this list goes on to international affairs. In such a situation, you cannot afford to live on your own. If you become egocentric and ignore other people, you will unnecessarily make others your rivals, so the best policy is to accept others, adopting the policy of adjustment. You have to avoid all kinds of clash, so that you may save your energy and your time.
Adopting the policy of reconciliation is not just a question of being accommodating towards others. It is much more than that. It allows you to continue your journey of life without any break. It saves you from deviation and permits you to dedicate your life more and more to worthy goals.
The best policy, therefore, is to rid oneself of the confrontational mentality at the very outset.
Why Revenge is Not an Option
According to Quranic teachings, revenge is not an option. Revenge only increases the problem. The chapter Al-Nahl (Bees) of the Quran gives practical advice on this point. The translation of the relevant verses is as follows:
If you want to retaliate, retaliate to the same degree as the injury done to you. But if you are patient, it is better to be so. (16:126)
Revenge is the action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for an injury or wrong suffered at their hands. According to Quranic teachings, there are two levels of revenge – one may be called equal revenge and the second may be called forgetting the bad experience received from others.
Although revenge or retaliation is allowed, but with a strict condition – that it should be an equal revenge, not exceeding the others’ bad action. But when seriously thought about, one realizes that this is not an option. It is so difficult that no sincere person can take this option. Because there is no available measurement that may tell
When you forgive a person, you hit his conscience. Forgiveness is a kind of corrective measure. Forgiveness creates a sense of repentance in the other person and he tries to correct himself. In this sense, forgiveness has a value in terms of social reform.
You that your retaliation was completely equal to the action you received from the other.
This option is, therefore, only a hypothetical option. Any sincere person will decide not to take this option, because if during the retaliation you exceed the limit you will be answerable to God Almighty.
So, practically there is only one option and that is forgiveness. While revenge may open a new chapter that is revenge after revenge, forgiveness puts an end to this chain. Forgiveness means that you have put a full stop, while revenge in this case means that you have put commas.
When you forgive a person, you hit his conscience. Forgiveness is a kind of corrective measure. Forgiveness creates a sense of repentance in the other person and he tries to correct himself. In this sense, forgiveness has a value in terms of social reform.
Although Islam allows retaliation with certain strict conditions, but fulfilling these conditions is so difficult that it practically means that one should not retaliate. The message of the Quran in such situations is: Opt for forgiveness. Do not try to retaliate, because retaliation is bound to create some more problems.
