THE UPBRINGING OF CHILDREN
A certain person had special arrangements made for the training of his children. A Maulvi would come daily to give them religious education, while he would urge them to say their prayers regularly. Every day, he would spend some time with them to help them memorize the basic Islamic creed, kalima, and the verses of benediction from the Quran. He would attempt to impart such moral values as respecting their elders, behaving with propriety towards others, etc.
Nevertheless, when his children grew up, they were no different from the average worldly and clever person whenever his interests were at stake. Their early training had little effect because it had been little better than lip service. It had all been so many empty words—empty because the role model presented by the father was that of a man of the world. When it came to mere words, he could be described as religious. But when it came to actions, all the aura of religiosity fell away from him. Creating a genuinely religious atmosphere within his home was impossible for such a man.
For example, there was a neighbour for whom he felt nothing but the deadliest antagonism. Having once imagined himself insulted by this man; his ego fanned the flames of revenge. Out of sheer spite, he reviled his supposed enemy at home and did his best to defame him publicly. He even tried to destroy his means of livelihood by going to court and filing false cases against him.
These reprehensible activities went on for fifteen long years. His children would, of course, hear of religious values from his lips, but all the while, they would be breathing in an atmosphere that his destructive activities had poisoned. And wherever the atmosphere does not match the pious utterances made in it, a set of double standards is bound to be the result. We should never forget that actions speak louder than words.
Most parents, no matter how religious-minded they imagine they are, tend to make this mistake. While they talk to their children about spiritual and moral issues, they divert practically all their attention to worldly affairs. They will speak of the next life, but they will set up their homes so that the great goal of their lives degenerates into the mere piling up of things of worldly importance. They will extol the virtues of a righteous life, but instead of donating their wealth to good causes, they spend it fulfilling their children's worldly ambitions.
This is not religious training; it is but a mockery of it. Uttering religious words does not achieve religious training; they call for the sedulous building up of a religious atmosphere. In a home where there is no all-pervasive atmosphere of religion, it is not possible to instill moral values simply by letting fall a few religious-sounding phrases. Spending part of the family income on religious matters would not suffice; conversations, family interests and daily activities must all be rooted in religion. Only then will it be possible to inculcate a genuinely religious way of thinking in one’s children?
The deeds must conform to the words. But all too often, they do not. Why should this be so? Why should there be such shortcomings when putting words into action? The reason is that making any statement only means mouthing a few words, whereas many problematic factors complicate action. If a man pledges himself to a particular course of action but then shows himself unwilling to make concessions to some or all of these factors, he cannot be said to have spoken in right earnest.
Putting principles into practice is not a simple matter. Only half the battle is won by getting up on a platform and addressing an audience. It is not too difficult to make high-sounding speeches on the moral values of Islam. All one needs to do is gather enough information from books on the subject, and, of course, it helps to have an extensive vocabulary. But practising what one preaches is a different affair. It is seldom that action can be taken without encountering various kinds of obstacles on the way to one’s objective. Putting words into action means, inevitably, putting up a struggle.
Another inhibiting factor is the egoism of certain individuals. Even when they have demonstrably erred, they cannot utter the words, “I have erred” or “I was wrong,” far less make amends. This would be too damaging to their prestige. This is why we find innumerable people ready to bear witness to the fault of others but who cannot or will not acknowledge their shortcomings.
It is all too easy to recount anecdotes about the acknowledgement of truth by Islamic personalities of bygone days because telling such tales does not detract from one’s own moral standing. But when it comes to making an avowal of one’s errors, that is a very different matter because it shows up one’s personality in an unattractive light. Thus, a man who successfully projects another’s acknowledgement of the truth is a total failure when acknowledging his own mistakes.
This is mainly why people formulate principles but do not act upon them. They feel that in acting upon principles, their interests are harmed. The ego comes under attack, much unpleasantness ensues.
This is undoubtedly a challenging task. However, creating an atmosphere at home that suggests that there can be no compromise on principles is the only effective way to train children. Suppose you do not put principles into practice in your private and public life. In that case, nothing can prevent your children from receiving bad influences—even if you keep reciting the Quran day and night and even send them to the most prestigious Islamic schools for their education.
