DIVORCE IN ISLAM
Nature demands that men and women lead their lives together. According to the shariah, the ideal way of leading such a life is within the bonds of marriage. In Islam, marriage is a civil contract entered into by mutual consent of the bride and groom and a highly sacred bond to which great religious and social importance is attached. As an institution, it is a cohesive force in society and worth protecting and preserving for that reason. To that end, detailed injunctions have been prescribed to maintain its stability and promote its betterment.
However, knowing that an excess of legal constraints can lead to rebellion, such injunctions have been kept to a realistic minimum and formulated to be consistent with normal human capabilities. Moreover, their enforcement is less relied upon than the religious conditioning of the individual to ensure the maintenance of high ethical standards and appropriate conduct in marital affairs and family life.
The state of marriage lays the foundations for family life and provides a training ground for individuals to adjust to society positively. When a man and woman prove to be a good husband and wife, they will undoubtedly be good citizens in the broad spectrum of their social group. This has been aptly expressed in a hadith: “The best of you is one who is best for his family.” (Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith No. 1977)
The family is the preliminary unit for the training of human beings, and its disintegration has an injurious effect on society. Those human beings must individually make a positive contribution if, collectively, they are to form a good and just nation. If the family no longer exists, the whole of humanity suffers.
Once a man and a woman are tied together in the bonds of matrimony, they are expected to do their utmost till the day they die to honour and uphold what the Quran calls their firm contract, or pledge (4:21). To this end, the entire thrust of the Shariah is levelled at preventing the occurrence of divorce; the laws it lays down in this regard exist primarily, therefore, as checks, not incentives.
Islam regards marriage as a highly desirable institution, hence its conception of marriage as the rule of life and divorce only as an exception to that rule. According to a hadith, the Prophet Muhammad said, “Marriage is one of my Sunnah (way). One who does not follow it does not belong to me.” (Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith No. 1846)
While marriage is the rule of life, and divorce is only an exception, the latter must also be accepted as a reality. Indeed, commandments already exist to deal with such cases in both divine and human laws. The only true, authentic representation of divine law now exists in the form of the Quran, preserved in its entirety and free from all human interpolations. In the Quran and the Hadith, there are various commandments regarding divorce, the main point being that divorce should be sought only under unavoidable circumstances.
Although Islam permits divorce, it lays great emphasis on its being a concession and a measure to be resorted to only when there is no alternative. The Prophet spoke of it as being the most hateful of all the lawful things in the eyes of God. (Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith No. 2018), According to the Quran, when it does take place, it should be done in an atmosphere of goodwill. In no way should one harbour ill will against the other (see the Quran, 2:229-233).
When a man and a woman live together as husband and wife, it is natural that they should have their differences; it is a biological and psychological fact that each man and woman born into this world are quite different. That is why the sole way of unity in this world is to live unitedly despite differences. This can be achieved only through patience and tolerance, virtues advocated by the Prophet not only in a general sense but, more importantly, in the particular context of married life. Without these qualities, there can be no stability in the marriage bond. According to Abu Hurayrah, the Prophet said, “No believing man should bear any grudge against a believing woman. If one of her ways is not to his liking, there must be many things about her that would please him.” (Sahih Muslim, Hadith No. 1469)
It is accepted that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, plus and minus points. This is equally true of husbands and wives. In the marital situation, the best policy is for each partner to concentrate on the plus points of the other while ignoring the minus points. If a husband and wife can see the value of this maxim and consciously adopt it as the main guiding principle in their lives, they will have a far better chance of their marriage remaining stable.
However, it sometimes happens, with or without reason, that unpleasantness crops up and increases between husband and wife, with no apparent indication of their ability to smooth things out by themselves. Their thinking about each other in a way conditioned by their maladjustment prevents them from arriving at a just settlement of their differences based on facts rather than opinions. In such a case, according to the Quran (4:35), the best strategy is to introduce a third party who will act as an arbiter. Not having any previous association with the matters under dispute, he will remain dispassionate and will be able to arrive at an objective decision acceptable to both parties.
For any arbiter to be successful, however, the husband and wife must also adopt the correct attitude. Here is an incident from the period of the four pious Caliphs that will illustrate this point.
When ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib reigned as the fourth Caliph, a married couple complaining of marital discord came to him to request a settlement. In the light of the Quranic guidance (4:35), ‘Ali ordered that a board of arbiters, one from the husband’s family and one from the wife’s family, be set up, which should make proper inquiries into the circumstances and then give its verdict. This verdict was to be accepted without argument by both sides.
As recorded by the famous commentator, at-Tabari, in his commentary Jami’ al-Bayan, the woman said that she consented to the book of God, whether the verdict was for or against her. But the man protested that he would not accept the verdict if it were for separation. ‘Ali said, “What you say is improper. By God, you cannot move from here until you have shown your willingness to accept the verdict of the arbiters in the same spirit as the woman has shown.” (Tafsir al-Tabari, Vol. 8, p. 320-321)
This makes it clear that a true believer should wholeheartedly accept the arbiters and their verdict by the Quranic injunctions. Once their verdict is given, there should be no further dispute.
