SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM
Nature demands that men and women lead their lives together. According to Islamic law, the ideal way of leading such a life is within the bounds of marriage. It was to give this relationship legal sanction that the institution of marriage (nikah) was established. Marriage is a matter of mutual consent. The consent of both the man and the woman is sought to solemnize the nikah ceremony. The willingness of the woman is especially desired. Therefore, in Islam, marriage is a social contract entered into by mutual consent of the bride and groom. It is a sacred bond to which great religious and social importance is attached. As an institution, it is a cohesive force in society and worth protecting and preserving. To that end, detailed injunctions have been prescribed to maintain its stability and promote its betterment.
The state of marriage lays the foundations for family life and provides a training ground for individuals to contribute to society positively. When a man and woman prove to be a good husband and wife, they will be good citizens in the broad spectrum of their social group. This has been aptly expressed in a Hadith:
“The best of you is one who is best for his family.” (Sunan at-Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 3895)
After presenting the Islamic view about marriage, let us now understand the principles that should govern one’s married life as derived from the Quran and the life of the Prophet.
We are living in a world created by God Almighty. He has made this world and sustains it according to a definite plan. This is known as God’s creation plan. Any deviation from this by man will result in disorder in the smooth functioning of life on earth.
The principles from the Quran and the teachings of the Prophet lay a foundation for a pure society—a society where there is sanctity in all relationships, interactions, and dealings. Fear of accountability to God makes a person view every interaction as an interaction God Almighty is witnessing. With such an understanding, we will know what is to be accepted in society and what is to be strictly shunned.
If followed, the following teachings of the Quran ensure that either spouse will not fall into the evil ways that threaten their marriage. One will not misuse one’s freedom and feel a great sense of responsibility toward maintaining the sanctity of married life.
“Tell believing men to lower their gaze and remain chaste. That is purer for them. God is aware of what they do. Say to believe women that they should lower their gaze and remain chaste and not reveal their adornments—save what is normally apparent thereof, and they should fold their shawls over their bosoms. Believers, turn to God, every one of you, so that you may prosper.” (24:30-31)
“Live with them in accordance with what is fair and kind; if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something which God might make a source of abundant good.” (4:19)
“Do not covet the bounties which God has bestowed more abundantly on some of you than on others. Men shall be rewarded according to their deeds, and women shall be rewarded according to their deeds. You should rather ask God for His bounty. God knows all things.” (4:32)
‘Lord, grant us joy in our wives and children and make us a model for the righteous.’ (25:74)
“Bear in mind all that is recited in your homes of the revelations of God and wisdom. God is all-pervading and all aware.” (33:34)
“Let the man of means spend in accordance with his means; and let him whose resources are restricted, spend in accordance with what God has given him. God does not burden any person with more than He has given him. God will soon bring about ease after hardship.” (65:7)
“If you fear any breach between a man and his wife, appoint one arbiter from his family and one arbiter from her family. If they both want to set things right, God will bring about a reconciliation between them: He is all-knowing and all-aware.” (4:35)
“To those who have attained to faith, We shall unite their offspring who have also followed them in faith, and We shall not let any of their good deeds go unrewarded;” (52:21)
The gist of the above teachings is motivation towards modesty and being content with what one is blessed with. It calls people to seek joy in what has been granted and not to look at what is given to others. There is a commandment to make the home a place for learning and intellectual development instead of following a materialistic culture. People are advised to live according to their means, which inculcates frugality. On the other hand, vying for more wealth to live a luxurious life is sometimes a cause of deviation from Islamic principles in family life. God promises His rewards to those who live with faith in Him and as per His commandments.
The following teachings of the Prophet further show the way of living harmoniously with one another.
“No believing man should hate a believing woman, for if any habit of hers displeases him, there will be some other habit of hers that pleases him.” (Sahih Muslim, Hadith No. 1469)
“Beware, your women have rights over you, and you have rights over your women” (Musnad Ahmad, Hadith No. 20695).
“They have found all the good of this world and the Hereafter who have a heart that gives thanks, a tongue that remembers God, a body that is patient in the face of hardships, and a wife who can be trusted to remain chaste and refrain from misusing her husband’s wealth. A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, or her piety. Select the pious; may you be blessed.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith No. 5090)
Virtuous men and women are considered a great treasure for each other. They are helpers in managing life, trustworthy partners, and friends to each other who are always available. All this is possible only within the framework of marriage. Any other arrangement does not have a congenial atmosphere for such companionship to flourish.
A marriage to be successful requires trust and loyalty, which have to be nourished continuously by both husband and wife.
Islam is also very strict about preventing the free mixing of men and women in an atmosphere of partying and entertainment as it is a cause for promiscuity, which leads to permissiveness. In such a society, one’s loyalties keep changing. In a segregated society, where interaction between men and women is restricted and strictly work-related, one associates with one’s spouse, which keeps them away from forming new loyalties, while in a free society, one comes upon new faces every day, one better than the other. In such a scenario, loyalties keep shifting, leading to social evils.
What is the way to reform individuals or the building of a better society? In this regard, the Islamic approach addresses individuals to change their mindset, not by holding demonstrations or protests. “Win the mind, and you will win the battle.” After all, a group of upright individuals makes a good society.
