DOWER (MAHR)
After marriage (nikah), the first obligation upon a man with regard to his wife is to give her a fixed amount at the time of marriage. The Quran states:
“And give the women (on marriage) their dowers willingly.” (4:4)
At the time of marriage, the groom gives the bride a sum of money, mahr (dower), as a token of his willingness to accept responsibility for bearing all necessary expenses for his wife. This is the original meaning of mahr. There are two ways of presenting mahr to the bride. One is to hand it over at the time of the marriage, in which case it is known as mahr mu’ajjal or promptly given dower. (The word mu’ajjal is derived from ‘ajilah, meaning 'without delay') During the time of the Prophet and his Companions, giving promptly was the accepted practice, and the amount fixed was generally relatively minimal.
Another way of giving dower, according to Islamic law, is to provide it after a certain period of time. This has to be settled at the time of the marriage. This form of dower is called mahr mu’aijal, or dower given after a period of time. This has often been wilfully misinterpreted as implying an indefinite postponement of the giving of dower.
The dower mentioned above, however, can take the form of some service performed by the husband. When Moses left Egypt for Madyan, he married Safoora, the daughter of the Prophet Shuayb. His dower was settled and paid off by binding himself to the service of his elderly father-in-law for a period of ten years. Only after performing this service for a full ten years did he leave Madyan for Egypt.
No Heavy Burden
The dower, in cash or kind, has to be fixed, keeping the bridegroom’s position in life. It should be affordable to him, be it a lump sum in cash or some article of value. The jurists have different views to offer on what the minimum amount should be, but all agree that it should be substantial enough for something to be bought against it. There are no traditions that encourage an increase in the dower, whereas some argue for fixing smaller dowers. In all such cases, Islam lays down guidelines rather than issuing strict commandments. It is left to the circumstances of the groom. There is a well-known saying of the Prophet Muhammad that “the best woman is one whose dower is the easiest to pay.” (Sahih Ibn Hibban, Hadith No. 4034)
Another saying refers to such a bride as “the most blessed woman.” (Mustadrak al-Hakim, Hadith No. 2732). “The state of blessedness,” according to a third saying, resides in “her being easy to deal with and the acceptance of dower according to the capacity of the husband.” (Sahih Ibn Hibban, Hadith No. 4095)
The second Caliph, Umar ibn al-Khattab, while addressing a gathering, asked them to refrain from fixing heavy dowers in marriage. Hearing this, a woman addressed the Caliph, quoting the Quran, “If you have given much wealth to your women, do not take anything from it.” (4: 20). In response, Umar withdrew his words, saying, “The woman is right, Umar is wrong”.
