THE STRENGTH OF FORBEARANCE

The right method to put out a fire is to use water. Likewise, one should try to respond to anger through patience, self-restraint, tolerance, or forbearance. Forbearance is not just an ethical quality; it is a powerful plan of action.

Two men lived in the same city. It so happened that their relations became strained. One day, they happened to meet on a street. On seeing Mr. B, Mr. F burst out. He heaped all the harsh words that he had in his vocabulary on him. But Mr. B silently listened to him. When after going on for a long time Mr. F fell silent, Mr. B, without reacting at all, politely said to him, ‘I think you are tired. Come, let us go to a restaurant and have some tea.’ After this, the two men went to a nearby tea stall. Sipping his tea, Mr. F’s anger subsided. Finally, he requested Mr. B for forgiveness and promised that he would never again behave with him as he had just done.

Whenever a person says something provocative, what generally happens is that the person he directs his words at becomes enraged. He tries to reply to him through counter-aggression or anger. But this method is synonymous with trying to douse the flames of a fire with the fire itself. The right method to put out a fire is to use water. Likewise, one should try to respond to anger through self-restraint, tolerance, or forbearance. Forbearance is not just an ethical quality. More than that, it is a powerful plan of action. If a person gets angry in response to a provocation, he loses his biggest ability—i.e., intellect (aql). In such a situation, he is not capable of using his intellect to understand the matter in depth and to defend himself in a more efficacious manner. An enraged person can only display a negative reaction. In contrast, a person who, despite being shown anger by someone else, does not get angry, can respond positively to the situation at hand. Needless to say, this is a much more effective response.