ADJUSTMENT IN MARRIED LIFE
For Greater Partnership
Adjustment is the key to a successful married life. But what kind of adjustment? It’s not just about making changes for the sake of it. It’s about adjusting for a higher purpose—to create a harmonious environment where both partners can fulfil the true essence of married life.
Married life isn’t just about cohabitation; it’s about co-sharing. Each partner brings something unique to the relationship, and they both need to share that with each other. Everyone has different qualities, and each partner needs a share from their spouse to help them develop their personalities fully. In a marriage, both partners are givers and takers simultaneously, so they need favourable conditions to benefit from each other.
Life is like a cogwheel. If one partner has one cog, the other partner has the other cog, and they both need to connect so that they can work together effectively. There are many marriages where both partners were aware of this and made adjustments to their relationship. But they were also conscious that their adjustments were not just about making things easier; they were about sharing and growing together. As a result, their marriages were successful.
what is called the “intellectual partnership.” Every day, we face challenges, encounter new issues, and make decisions. We also want to explore new ideas and perspectives. This is important for both men and women. Everyone needs an intellectual partner with whom they can engage in meaningful conversations, exchange ideas, and discover better solutions. The best intellectual partner is your spouse.
When a man is born, he’s like raw iron ore. Nature has shaped him like an ore, but he must develop himself independently. Just as nature produces ore, man must transform it into steel through intellectual and spiritual growth to create a well-rounded personality.
Intellectual and spiritual development are crucial in this process. To develop one’s personality, the most important thing is to broaden one’s mind by awakening their consciousness. Three key elements are needed to achieve this: study, observation, and intellectual exchange with others. Books are an excellent source of knowledge and studying them is always beneficial. The world of nature is also a great source of observation. In intellectual learning, it’s important to develop the habit of learning from others and continuing this process.
Married couples are each other’s immediate intellectual partners. They’re always available for each other, making marriage an ideal opportunity for intellectual development. Both partners can interact and progress intellectually together. Intellectual development is essential for everyone, and marriage offers an ideal setting for it. However, to succeed in this endeavour, one must prioritize intellectual development and make it a part of their daily life. In this way, the best way to describe the relationship between husband and wife is ‘intellectual partnership.’
Everyone has adopted a culture of adjustment—the businessman with his customers, the working man or woman with their boss. While this adjustment culture is beneficial, its primary goal is often to earn money. However, it’s also essential for married couples. Adopting this adjustment culture in marriage means prioritizing something far more important than money—the relationship between husband and wife.
Conversing with your partner is bound to spark new ideas. This process of intellectual partnership leads to intellectual development, which is the most significant goal for every man and woman.
Man is an explanation-seeking animal. When discussing adjustments in married life, both partners should ask, “Why adjustment?” A good explanation is crucial to ensure the impact of any adjustment talk. While they may agree with your sermon on adjustment, they may not follow it in their practical lives. Adjustment should be for a higher purpose. By following the principle of adjustment, each partner can reap the rewards of intellectual development.
Remember, your spouse is an ever-ready intellectual partner. They are always available, day and night. Discover this aspect of married life, and any sacrifice for adjustment will seem insignificant.
People asked the Prophet:
“Is our Lord close? Can we address Him softly? Or is He distant? Should we address Him loudly?” Then this verse of the Quran (2:186) was revealed: “When My servants question you about Me, tell them that I am near. I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls to Me.”
(Tafsir Ibn Abi Hatim, Hadith no 1667)
