According to a hadith: لاَ يَحِلُّ لِرَجُلٍ أَنْ يَهْجُرَ أَخَاهُ فَوْقَ ثَلاَثِ لَيَالٍ (Sahih al-Bukhari 6077) It is not permissible for any person to avoid speaking to someone for more than three days.

Suppose you have a heated exchange with someone. Both of you become angry and stop speaking to each other. According to the hadith, if you avoid speaking to someone for more than three days, you do something unlawful. I tried to understand why this is so. If you don’t speak to the person even after three days, then why is it unlawful? Because after three days, a person has no further justification.

When I thought about this, I understood a law of nature. It is natural when someone speaks badly, you will get angry. You stop speaking to him. If you continue discussing about him, you return home and keep speaking about him, talk to the neighbours about him and constantly speak about his flaws and mistakes. If you keep speaking about him and recall what he did, it becomes part of your living memory. But if after the heated argument, you instead continue your work. After the argument, you go to your shop, school or home and don’t recall the incident. Then due to the natural process, the incident stays out of your living memory and goes into the unconscious mind. This happens on a daily basis.

When any heated exchange happens and you don’t recall it, as you sleep the incident goes from your conscious mind into your unconscious mind. It becomes a faint memory. And if you don’t discuss it even the next day, the memory fades away further. In three days, it goes into the unconscious m ind. From the conscious mind, it goes to the sub-conscious mind. From the sub-conscious mind it enters the unconscious mind. What does this mean? For three days, the law of nature supports you in forgetting the unpleasant incident. If you give the law of nature a chance to initiate its process, then the negative thought that had arisen in your heart will be removed on its own. On the third day, you will be fresh and in a position to meet that person again. But if you fail to do so, you continue discussing what he did, keep telling people about him - your children, your wife, your neighbours and everyone else. Then the incident becomes part of your living memory. Three days later also you are not in a position to continue speaking with that person. Because your hate and malice are still alive. You become deprived, because you couldn’t avail of the natural process of forgetting.

According to the hadith, not speaking to someone for three days is not permitted. What does this mean? One who continues to avoid even after three days tells us that he didn’t avail of the process of nature. In this way, he has no justification to avoid talking with the other person. After three days, you have no justification to avoid talking to the other person.