ADJUSTMENT IN MARRIED LIFE
Adjustment is the only formula for a successful married life. But adjustment for what? It is not adjustment for the sake of adjustment. It is an adjustment for a higher purpose, that is, to create a normal environment in which it will be possible to achieve the real purpose of married life.
Married life is not simply co-travelling. It is rather co-sharing. After married life, both partners possess something unique, and each needs to share that with the other. Everyone is born with different qualities, and each one needs a share from one’s partner so both partners may develop their personalities better.
In married life, both partners are givers and takers simultaneously. So, both partners need favourable conditions in which it may be possible to benefit from each other.
Life is like a cogwheel. If the man has one cog, the woman has the other cog, and both need communion so that a joint effort may be possible.
I know many marriages in which both parties, being aware of this fact, tried to make adjustments. But they were quite conscious that their doing so was not merely for adjustment but mutual sharing. Thus, their marriage proved to be successful.
One essential aspect of marriage is what I call intellectual partnership. Every day, we face problems; every day, there are some new issues; every day, we have to make some decisions; every day, we want to explore some new area in the world of ideas. This is important for everyone, man and woman. Every one of us needs to have an intellectual partner with whom we can have verbal exchanges, have a dialogue, and try to discover better options. And according to my experience, the best intellectual partner is your spouse.
When a man is born into this world, he is like iron ore, raw in form. Nature has produced him like ore, and he must develop himself on his own. Nature produces ore; man has to convert it into steel. This means he has to develop his personality through intellectual and spiritual development to make it a developed personality.
Intellectual and spiritual development is of the utmost importance in this development process. In developing one’s personality, the most important thing is for man to broaden his mind by awakening his consciousness. Three things are required to awaken one’s consciousness: study, observation, and intellectual exchange with other people. Books are the most significant source of knowledge and studying them is always beneficial. The world of nature is the most excellent source of observation. In intellectual learning, man needs to form the habit of learning from others and continue in this learning process.
In the case of married people, they are each other’s immediate intellectual partners, as they are always available for each other. From this point of view, marriage is an excellent opportunity for intellectual development, as both can interact and progress together intellectually. Intellectual development is essential for everyone. Marriage offers an ideal opportunity to commune with one another. One condition to succeed in this venture is to prioritise intellectual development and make it a part of one’s daily life. In this way, the best way to describe the relationship between husband and wife is ‘intellectual partnership.’
Everyone has adopted what may be called the adjustment culture—the businessman with his customers, every working man or woman with his or her boss. I think this is good, although the goal of this adjustment is only the money to be earned. But this adjustment culture is also essential between husband and wife. Adopting this adjustment culture in married life means making something far more important than money.
My personal experience is that conversing with your partner is bound to give rise to new ideas. In this sense, the process of intellectual partnership leads to intellectual development. And intellectual development is the most significant goal for every man and woman.
Man is an explanation-seeking animal. So when discussing adjustment in married life, both the partners could ask, “Why adjustment?” So you have to give a good explanation. Otherwise, any talk of adjustment will not have the right impact on them. They may agree with your sermon on adjustment but will not follow it in their practical life. Adjustment should be for a higher purpose. By following the principle of adjustment, each will reap the reward of intellectual development.
One’s spouse is an ever-ready intellectual partner. They are available at all times, day and night. Discover this aspect of married life, and any sacrifice for adjustment will seem to be insignificant.
