Manners In Society
God will do unto you as you
have done unto others
Caliph Muawiyah was reminded by Amr ibn Murrah of this saying of the Prophet: “The ruler who closes his door to the poor and needy will find that in his own greatest time of need, God has closed the gates of heaven to him.”
(AL-TIRMIDHI, SHAMA’IL)
Returning good for evil
The best way to have your revenge on one who has disobeyed God in some matter concerning you, is to obey God in whatever concerns him,” said Umar.
(IBN KATHIR, TAFSIR)
Patience the best armour
Ahnaf ibn Qays belonged to the generation, which came after that of the Prophet’s companions. He once remarked, “One who cannot tolerate one single unpleasant remark will have to listen to many. Frequently I have suppressed my anger for fear of something worse befalling me.”
To wish others harm is
to harm oneself
When Abul Ayna mentioned to Ahmed ibn Abu Dawud that certain people had attacked him, the latter quoted this verse of the Quran to him: “The hand of God is above their hands.” (48:10) “But they are many and I am alone,” continued Abul Ayna. To this Ahmad replied: “Many a small band has, by the grace of God, vanquished a mighty army.” (2:249) “They are plotting against me,” added Abul Ayna. “Evil shall recoil on those that plot evil,” (35:43) was Ahmad ibn Abu Dawud’s response.
To collaborate in injustice is sinful
Wasilah ibn Asqa once asked Prophet what constituted bigotry. “Collaborating with your own people in wrong-doing,” answered the Prophet.
(ABU DAWUD, SUNAN)
Justice for the weak
and strong alike
Muawiyah ibn Abu Sufyan once asked Dharar Sadai to tell him about Ali. Dharar said, amongst other things, that “he lived among us like any of us. No one, however strong he might be, hoped to receive any aid from him in his unjust cause, while the weak had no reason to despair of receiving justice from him.”
Granting forgiveness to
one who seeks it
The Prophet Muhammad is recorded by Abu Hurayrah as having said, if one’s Muslim brother comes to ask forgiveness for something, he should be excused, whether or not he speaks the truth. One who does not do so will not reach me, to be given water by me at the pond of plenty on the Day of Judgement.”
(AL-HAKIM)
Three types of vilification
mentioned in the Quran
Three kinds of defamation are mentioned by Hasan Basri, all of which appear in the Quran: “There is the malicious revelation of unwelcome truths, ghibat, irresponsible rumour-mongering (ifk) and deliberate misrepresentation (buhtan).
How a believer should treat others
Describing the Prophet’s qualities, Ali ibn Abu Talib said: “Three things-quarrelling, arrogance and vain pursuits-he eschewed as far as he himself was concerned. And three things he eschewed as far as others were concerned. He did not find fault, lay blame or seek to expose anyone’s weak points. Only when there was hope of reward from God would he hold forth.”
(AL-TIRMIDHI, SHAMA’IL)
Being sparing of words and
not thinking ill of anyone
When visitors to a Companion (Sahabi) who lay dying saw that his face was shining, they asked him the reason. He replied that he had two habits, which had stood him in good stead: “I used not to speak about matters that were no concern of mine, and my heart remained well-intentioned toward Muslims.”
(JAMI‘ AL-ULUM WA AL-HIKAM)
Being kind to adversaries
The Prophet once asked his companions: “Shall 1 tell you a something which will raise you up in the eyes of God?” “Yes Prophet of God,” they replied, and the Prophet said, “Be patient with those who behave foolishly towards you; forgive those who wrong you; give unto those who deny you; and strengthen your ties with those who break away from you.”
(AL-TABARANI)
Suppression of anger leads
to a strengthening of faith
The Prophet said: “He who suppresses his anger when he could well give vent to it, will have his heart filled with peace and faith by the Almighty.”
Worshipping God and living
in harmony with others
Abu Hurayrah records the Prophet as saying: “There are three actions which are especially pleasing to God: worshipping Him and acknowledging none as His peer; adhering firmly to your faith in God and letting nothing divide you; remaining well-intentioned towards those who are responsible for your affairs.”
Not acting on suspicion
The Prophet said: “When your suspicions are aroused, do not attempt to get at their root.”
Confirming the truth of
statements at their source
Abu al-Aliyah, one of the generation which succeeded that of the Prophet’s companions, tells of how, when in Basrah (Iraq’s capital at that time) they used to hear statements which were attributed to the Companions, but that in order to be certain of their authenticity, they would travel to Madinah to hear them from the Companions themselves.
(AL-KHATIB AL-BAGHDADI)
The evils of society stem from
the evils in individuals
There is a verse of the Quran, which says, “When we resolve to annihilate a people, We first warn those of them that live in comfort. If they persist in sin, We rightly pass Our judgement and utterly destroy them.” (17:16) Abdullah ibn Abbas’s comment on this verse was: “This means that people elect as their leaders such as do not follow God’s law. For this, God punishes them and they are destroyed.”
(IBN KATHIR, TAFSIR)
If the door is not opened for you,
leave without taking offence
Anas ibn Malik says that the Prophet used to ask for permission to enter a house just by thrice greeting the occupants, then, if he was asked in, he would enter; if not, he would go away.
(AL-BAZZAR)
Putting one’s parents before oneself
Abu Hurayrah, a man who used to look after his mother with great devotion, went one day, early on in the Madinan period, to the mosque of the Prophet. There he found a number of other people, who asked him why he had come there. “Hunger,” he replied. They told him that they had come there too for that very reason. Then they all arose and went to see the Prophet. “What has brought you here?” asked the Prophet. When they told him, he sent for a dish full of dates, from which he gave them two dates each. “Eat them, and drink some water afterwards,” he told them. “That’s enough for you for today.” When Abu Hurayrah ate one date and put the other in his pocket, the Prophet wanted to know why he had done so. “It’s for my mother,” replied Abu Hurayrah. “Eat it,” said the Prophet. “You can have another two for your mother.”
How Muslims bring calamity
upon themselves
One night, the Prophet went out, and, entering an Ansari settlement called Banu Muawiyah, he offered two rakats in the mosque there and followed this with an exceptionally long prayer. Khabbab, who was present at the time, said, “I have never seen you utter such a prayer as you did tonight” The Prophet concurred. “It was a prayer of hope and fear,” he explained. “I asked the Lord for three things. Two He granted, one He denied. I asked Him not to destroy us as He destroyed the nations of old. This He granted. Then asked Him to prevent any external enemy from gaining ascendancy over us, and this too He granted. But when, finally, I asked God to let us not be split up in groups, with some suffering at the hand of others, the Almighty denied me this.”
(AL-TIRMIDHI, SHAMA’IL)
Being unperturbed by directness
The second Caliph, Umar ibn Khattab, once asked his congregation to rectify any of his transgressions, which came to their notice. On hearing this, a member of the congregation stood up and swore by God that any such transgression would be set right by their swords. Umar then thanked God for having placed among the followers of Muhammad-people who would set Umar right with their swords.
No man is self-sufficient
Abu Darda reports the Prophet as saying: “lf in a town or a desert, there are three people who live together but do not pray together, Satan takes possession of them. The importance of forming a congregation should be realized. Just as the wolf eats the sheep that walks alone, so does Satan lie in wait for man: when he finds a man all alone, he devours him.”
(AL-TARGHEEB WA AL-TARHEEB)
Not allowing disagreement to sour
a relationship
Khalid ibn Walid and Saad ibn Waqqas once had a disagreement after which someone wished to speak ill of Khalid in Saad’s presence. Saad immediately asked him to desist. “The disagreement between us does not affect the bond of our faith,” he said.
(AL-TABARI)
Remaining united and never
being the first to attack
In the year 9 AH, the Prophet sent Khalid ibn Walid to Yemen with the message of Islam. When he returned to Madinah, he was accompanied by certain members of the Banu Harith ibn Kaab who had accepted Islam. When they met the Prophet, the latter asked them how it was that they had always emerged victorious from wars which had been waged during the time of ignorance. We never set out to conquer anyone,” they explained. “True,” agreed the Prophet, but you were always able to beat back those who attacked you.” “Messenger of God,” said these men from the Banu Harith ibn Kaab, “We used to get the better of those who attacked us, because we stayed together. We never became disunited and it was never we who wronged another first.” “What you say has the ring of truth,” remarked the Prophet
(IBN HISHAM, SIRAH)
Hate whittles away a
man’s religion
“The razor”—that is what the Prophet called hate. “It is not the kind that shaves off hair, but the kind that pares away one’s faith,” he said. “By the Master of my soul, you shall not enter heaven until you believe, you shall not believe until you love one another.”
(JAMI‘ BAYAN AL-ILM)
Arguments over religious
matters nullify piety
Awam ibn Hawshab advised people to avoid arguing over religious matters; otherwise their good deeds would be nullified.
(JAMI‘ BAYAN AL-ILM)
Dispute is the mark of decline
When a people fall to disputing the teachings of religion instead of putting them into practice, it is a sign of God’s displeasure.
(AL-IMAM AUZA‘I)
A believer is satisfied, not by giving
vent to his anger, but by controlling it
Said Umar: “For a servant of God, there is nothing sweeter than the swallowing of his own anger. Neither milk nor honey can be compared to it.
(AHMAD, MUSNAD)
Thriving on criticism
Addressing Abu Ubaidah and Muadh, the second Caliph, Umar ibn Khattab said: “Keep a watch on me: I am ever in need of your vigilance.”
Remaining calm in
the face of criticism
During the caliphate of Umar, Muslims began, with their increasing affluence, to settle huge dowries (mahr)5 on their daughters. In his capacity as Caliph, Umar ordered, one day, in the course of a sermon, that these should not exceed four hundred dirhams, and that anything in excess of this would be confiscated and deposited in the Treasury. When he had come down from the pulpit, on the completion of his address, a tall, flat-nosed old woman stood up and declared: “The Quran has set no restrictions on this matter: Umar has no right to set an upper limit to the dowers.” She also recited a verse of the Quran to back up her contention: “If you decide to take one wife in place of another, do not take from her the dowry you have given her, even if it be a talent of gold.” (4:20) Umar’s immediate reaction on hearing this was to say: “A woman has quarrelled with Umar and has bested him.”
According to another account, Umar said, “May God forgive me. Everyone knows better than Umar. Even this old woman.”
Umar returned to the pulpit. Addressing the people, he withdrew the restriction he had previously imposed on dowries. It was for individuals to decide how much was to be given. But he tempered this permission with the admonition that if large dowries were a sign of honour and eminence, the Prophet would have been the first to give his approval to them, whereas, in fact, he gave only up to four hundred dirhams.
(AHMAD, AL-TIRMIDHI)
It is not for a Muslim to
fight another Muslim
“Whoever takes up arms against us is not one of us,” observed the Prophet.
It is for God to judge
Abdullah ibn Umar was one of those who swore allegiance to Yazid after the death of Muawiyah. “If good comes of it, (i.e., the Caliphate of Yazid) we shall be well pleased,” said he, on swearing his allegiance, “and if not, we shall be patient.”
Not permitting disagreement
to undermine mutual respect
The civil wars, which took place after the death of Uthman, were unfortunate episodes in Islamic history. Yet they were waged, not by base, ignoble individuals, but by people of the highest character. Many incidents, which took place in the heat of battle, testify to the chivalry of the combatants. During the war between Ali and Muawiyah, for instance, it was common for the two armies to fight one another during the day, then help in burying each other’s dead by night. Similarly, while Imam Husayn’s army was engaged in hostilities against the forces of Yazid, the two armies would join one another for prayer at the appointed time. Usually, Imam Husayn would lead the prayer and be followed both by his own men and those of the opposing army.
(AL-BIDAYAH WA AL-NIHAYAH)
Moderation in both
friendship and enmity
The Prophet said: “Exercise moderation in your friendship, for one day your friend may become your enemy. And be moderate also in your enmity, for one day your enemy may turn into a friend.
Wisdom should go hand in
hand with bravery
Khalid ibn Walid was one of the greatest warriors and leaders of the Muslim army in its early days. Yet, in the year 17 AH, while he was still riding high after his mighty conquests, he was removed from his post by the second Caliph Umar. Khalid was a brave and extremely daring commander. But there were times when his bravery would lead him into hasty decisions. A case in point was siege of Hims, (16 AH) when the Roman Emperor Heraclius, alongwith his North African troops, attacked the forces of Khalid and besieged them within the town. Contrary to orders from the Caliphate, Khalid immediately sallied forth to do battle with the attacking forces, without waiting for the arrival of reinforcements. On this particular occasion, the Muslims, by the sheer grace of God, were victorious. But Umar considered that Khalid had been hasty and imprudent in this action. Shah Waliullah comments: “Courage is not everything in the field of battle. Patience to await the necessary assistance is also a virtue, otherwise courage, on its own, can lead one straight to defeat.
(SHAH WALIULLAH, IZALA AL-KHAFA)
An oath of secrecy
Abu Bakr accompanied the Prophet when he emigrated from Makkah to Madinah. An idolater of the Banu Al-Dayl tribe—Abdullah ibn Urayqit by name—who was well acquainted with the Hijaz countryside, was engaged by them as a guide. As was usual according to Arab custom, Abdullah ibn Urayqit dipped his fingers into a glass of water and pleaded himself to secrecy. Then avoiding the frequented thoroughfares, he guided the Prophet and Abu Bakr by a coastal route to Madinah.
(Al-Bukhari, Sahih)
When it is prudent to make no reply
Aishah relates that when the Muslim army scattered after the Battle of Uhud, Abu Sufyan, the then leader of the Quraysh, came close to a group of Muslims and shouted: “Is Muhammad there among you?” “Do not answer,” the Prophet ordered his followers. Once again Abu Sufyan called out: “Is Ibn abu Qahafah there among you?” Again the Prophet told his Companions to remain silent. “And what about Ibn Khattab? Is he there?” Shouted Abu Sufyan a third time, while the Prophet still urged reticence on those around him. When Abu Sufyan received no reply to all three of his questions, he said, “They must all be dead. If not, they would surely have answered.” Umar could no longer contain himself. “Enemy of God!” he cried out, “We are not dead! And may God keep you alive so that you may have the taste of humiliation. “
(AL-BUKHARI, SAHIH)
Learning the facts by asking
the right questions
When the Muslims were on their way from Madinah to the field of Badr, they came across two men, one a Qurayshite and the other a slave. They gave chase to them but were only able to capture the slave, whom they interrogated. But when asked the strength of the Quraysh army that was advancing upon Madinah, the slave-even under pressure-would only say:
“They are many, and their strength is great.” When the Prophet put the same question to him, his answer was the same. Efforts were made to make him be more explicit about numbers, but to no avail. So the Prophet rephrased the question, “How many camels do they slaughter in one day?” he asked, and was told, “Ten camels,” “So the enemy must number one thousand,” concluded the Prophet, “One camel being sufficient for one hundred men.”
In dealings with others, good intentions
by themselves are not enough
The battle of Jamal (36 AH) was raging with full force and, on both sides, Muslims were being slain. The Prophet’s widow, Aishah, who was present on the scene, but at some distance from the battle, was distressed at the amount of Muslim blood that was being spilled. It was then that Kaab ibn Thaur came before her and suggested that it might have a beneficial effect if the Mother of the Faithful were to ride on her camel on to the field of battle. Perhaps, on seeing her mount, the combatants would lay down their arms and peace would become a possibility. Aishah, in her distress at the slaughter, which was taking place, agreed to this proposal. Coats of armour were placed around her, howdah6 to protect her, and she was led to a place where she could be seen by both armies. This gesture, however, had the reverse effect. Instead of stopping the battle, it redoubled its fury. The combatants thought that the Mother of the Faithful had herself been encouraged to take part in the fighting and that that was why she had been brought into the thick of it. They were so encouraged by this that Aishah’ s camel became the focal point around which further slaughter took place. Eventually, Ali gave orders for the camel to be cut down, for that was the only way the fighting would cease.
A believer should not involve
himself in matters, which he is
unable to deal with effectively
The Prophet once said: “It is not for a believer to humiliate himself,” “How does one humiliate oneself?” The Prophet was asked and to this he replied, “By falling foul of a situation from which one cannot extricate oneself.”
