The Willingness of Women
The presence of a greater number of women in a society is not the only prerequisite for polygamy. It is, in addition, compulsory that the woman who is the object of the man’s choice should be willing to enter into the married state. This willingness on the woman’s part is a must before a marriage can be lawful in Islam. It is unlawful to marry a woman by force. There is no example in the history of Islam where a man has been allowed to force a woman into marriage.
Prophet Muhammad’s own view that “an unmarried girl should not be married until her permission has been taken” had been recorded by both Bukhari and Muslim. ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbas, one of the Prophet’s Companions and a commentator on the Quran, narrates the story of a girl who came to the Prophet complaining that her father had her married off against her wishes. The Prophet gave her the choice of either remaining within the bonds of wedlock or of freeing herself from them.
Another such incident narrated by ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbas concerns a woman called Burairah and her husband, Mughith, who was a black slave. ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbas tells the story as if it were all happening before his very eyes: “Mughith is following Burairah through the paths of Medina. He is crying and his tears are running down his beard. Seeing him, the Prophet said to me, ‘O ‘Abbas, are you not surprised at Mughith’s love for Burairah and Burairah’s hate for Mughith?’ Then the Prophet said to Burairah, ‘I wish you would take him back.’ Burairah said to the Prophet, ‘Is that a command?’ The Prophet replied, ‘No, it is only a recommendation.’ Then Burairah said, ‘I don’t need your recommendation.”’
There was an interesting case of polygamy which took place during the Caliphate of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab. A certain widow, Umm Aban bint ‘Utbah had four suitors for marriage. All four—‘Umar ibn al-Khattab, ‘Ali ibn abi Talib, Zubayr and Talhah—were already married. Umm Aban accepted the proposal of marriage made by Talhah and, of course, refused the other three, whereupon she was married to Talhah.
This happened in Medina, the capital of the Islamic State. Among the rejected suitors was the reigning Caliph. But no one expressed even surprise or dismay, the reason being that in Islam, a woman is completely free to make her own decisions. This is a right that no one can take away from her-not even the ruler of the day.
These incidents show that the Islamic commandments giving permission to marry up to four women does not mean having the right to seize four women and shut them up inside one’s home. Marriage is a matter of mutual consent. Only that woman can be made a second or a third wife who is willing to be so. And when this matter rests wholly on the willingness of the woman, there is no cause for objection.
The present age gives great importance to freedom of choice. This value is fully supported by Islamic law. On the other hand, the upholders of “feminism” want to turn freedom of choice into restriction of choice.
