The coming together of a man and a woman in marriage is one of the most unique events in the universe. All the things created in the universe are created in pairs, but the compatibility that exists between a man and a woman cannot be found in any other created thing. When a man and a woman come together as partners for life, it is evident that they have been made for each other through a conscious plan.
Marriage is not simply a social institution. In Islam, it has an importance far greater than this. According to the Islamic concept of life, God Almighty created an ideal world, Paradise. Paradise is a perfect and eternal world. God wants to select those women and men who may qualify to settle in this highly refined colony of Paradise. For the purpose of this selection or test, God provided men and women with free-will whilst settling them on Earth.
All the things created in the universe are created in pairs, but the compatibility that exists between a man and a woman cannot be found in any other created thing.
Nature demands that men and women lead their lives together. The ideal way of leading such a life according to the Islamic law is within the bounds of marriage. In Islam, marriage is both a social contract entered into by mutual consent of the bride and groom, and a sacred bond to which great religious and social importance is attached. As an institution, it is a cohesive force in society, and worth protecting and preserving for that reason. To that end, detailed injunctions have been prescribed to maintain its stability and promote its betterment.
However, in the knowledge that an excess of legal constraints can lead to rebellion, such injunctions have been kept to a realistic minimum and have been formulated to be consistent with normal human capabilities. Moreover, their enforcement is less relied upon, and importance is placed upon the religious conditioning of the individual to ensure the maintenance of high ethical standards and appropriate conduct in marital affairs and family life. It is said that the heart of the believer is the custodian of the law.
The state of marriage not only lays the foundations for family life, but also provides a training ground for individuals to make a positive contribution to society. When a man and woman prove to be a good husband and wife, they will certainly prove to be good citizens in the broad spectrum of their social group. This has been aptly expressed in a Hadith:
“The best of you is one who is best for his family.”
The family being the preliminary unit for the training of human beings, its disintegration has an injurious effect on society. Human beings must individually make a positive contribution, if collectively they are to form a good and just nation. If the family no longer exists, it is the whole of humanity which suffers. Once a man and a woman are bound together in the bonds of matrimony, they are expected to do their utmost, till the day they die to honour and uphold what the Quran calls their firm contract, or pledge. To this end, the full thrust of the Islamic law is levelled at preventing the occurrence of divorce; the laws it lays down in this regard exist primarily, therefore, as checks, not incentives. Islam regards marriage as an extremely desirable institution, hence its conception of marriage is the rule in life. Divorce is only an exception to that rule. The Prophet Muhammad said, "Marriage is my tradition; Then whosoever does not favor my tradition is not with me." (Ibn e Majah)
In Islam, marriage is both a social contract entered into by mutual consent of the bride and groom, and a sacred bond to which great religious and social importance is attached.
After having presented the Islamic view about marriage, it would be pertinent to discuss the injunctions of Islam regarding the threats to a stable married life. Islam gives guidelines which prevent all such evils. ‘Prevention is better than cure’, is an old maxim that we all know. Let us now understand the principles which should govern one’s married life as derived from the Quran and the life of the Prophet.
We are living in a world created by God Almighty. He has made this world and sustains it according to a definite plan. This is known as the creation plan of God. Any deviation from this by humankind will result in disorder in the smooth functioning of life on earth.
The principles from the Quran and the teachings of the Prophet lay a foundation for a pure society. A society where there is sanctity about all relationships, interactions and dealings. Fear of accountability to God makes a person view every interaction as an interaction which is being witnessed by God Almighty. With such an understanding we will know what is to be accepted in the society and what is to be strictly shunned.
The following teachings of the Quran if followed ensure that either of the spouse will not fall into the evil ways which threaten their marriage. One will not misuse one’s freedom and feel a great sense of responsibility towards maintaining the sanctity of married life.
Tell believing men to lower their gaze and remain chaste. That is purer for them. God is aware of what you do. Say to believing women that they should lower their gaze and remain chaste and not to reveal their adornments save what is normally apparent thereof, and they should fold their shawls over their bosoms. Believers, turn to God, every one of you, so that you may prosper. (24:30-31)
Once a man and a woman are bound together in the bonds of matrimony, they are expected to do their utmost, till the day they die to honour and uphold what the Quran calls their firm contract, or pledge.
Live with them (women) in accordance with what is fair and kind, if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something which God might make a source of abundant good. (4: 19)
Do not look at the good things which God has bestowed more abundantly on some of you than on others. Men shall be rewarded according to their deeds and women shall be rewarded according to their deeds. You should rather ask God for His bounty. God has knowledge of all things. (4:32)
Lord, grant us joy in our spouse and children and make us a model for the righteous. (25:74)
Bear in mind all that is recited in your homes of the revelations of God and of wisdom. God is all pervading and all aware. (33: 34)
Let the man of means spend in accordance with his means; and let him whose resources are restricted, spend in accordance with what God has given him. God does not burden any person with more than He has given him. God will soon bring about ease after hardship. (65:7)
If you fear any breach between a man and his wife, appoint one arbiter from his family and one arbiter from her family. If they both want to set things right, God will bring about reconciliation between them: He is all knowing and all aware. (4:35)
To those who have attained to faith We shall unite their offspring (families) who have also followed them in faith, and We shall not let any of their good deeds go unrewarded. (52:21)
The gist of the above teachings is motivation towards modesty and being contented with what one is blessed with. It is calling people towards seeking joy in what has been granted to them and not to look at what is given to others. There is a commandment to make the home a place for learning and intellectual development instead of following a materialistic culture. People are advised to live according to their means, which inculcates frugality. On the other hand, vying for more wealth to live a luxurious life is sometimes a cause for one of the spouses to indulge in extra-marital affairs. God promises His rewards to those who live with faith in Him and live as per His commandments. The following teachings of the Prophet further show the way of living harmoniously with one another.
Only a man of noble character will honour women, and only a man of base intentions will dishonour them.
No believing man should hate a believing woman, for if there is any habit of hers that displeases him, there will be some other habit of hers which pleases him.
Beware, your women have rights over you and you have rights over your women.
Virtuous men and women are considered a great treasure for each other. They are helpers in the management of life, trustworthy partners, and friends to each other who are available all the time.
They have found all the good of this world and the Hereafter who have a heart that gives thanks, a tongue that remembers God, a body which is patient in the face of hardships, and a wife who can be trusted to remain chaste and refrain from misusing her husband’s wealth. A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed.
Virtuous men and women are considered a great treasure for each other. They are helpers in the management of life, trustworthy partners, and friends to each other who are available all the time. All this is possible only within the framework of a marriage. Any other arrangement does not have a congenial atmosphere for such companionship to flourish.
A marriage to be successful requires trust and loyalty and this has to be nourished continuously by both husband and wife.
Islam regards marriage as an extremely desirable institution, hence its conception of marriage is the rule in life. Divorce is only an exception to that rule.
Islam is also very strict about preventing free mixing of men and women in an atmosphere of partying and entertainment as it is a cause for promiscuity which leads to permissiveness. In such a society one’s loyalties keep changing. In a segregated society, where interaction between men and women is restricted and strictly work related one associates with one’s spouse which keeps them away from forming new loyalties while in a free society one comes upon new faces every day, one better than the other. In such a scenario loyalties keep shifting.
Extramarital affairs, adultery, using women as an object of entertainment by men and women initiating the same evils from their own choice are to be looked at objectively in terms of its negative results and steps for reformation should be taken towards building a better society. In this regard the Islamic approach is to address individuals to change their mind-set, not by holding demonstrations or protests. “Win the mind and you will win the battle”. After all it is a group of upright individuals who make an upright society.
