Exam Stress | The Speaking Tree | TOI | 17th Feb. 2012 | Page 2
Maulana Wahiduddin Khan answers questions posed by students on the eve of their exams
The pressure of studies together with the repeated questioning of my parents is stressful and I end up getting very depressed thinking of the consequences if I do not meet my parents' expectations.
Parents are always eager for their children's success. But at the same time, they should be realists. Parents must limit themselves to doing wise counseling. It would be counterproductive if they constantly question their children and apply immense pressure on them.
Parents must know that in practical life, getting less marks in exams is relative. Because, a student learns even if he gets less marks, and then in the next term, he tries to score better. This is the case in both education and
practical life. There are many examples to prove this fact. For example, Mahatma Gandhi and Swami Vivekananda were not toppers in education, however, they became heroes in practical life.
We are told that Boards are crucial for students, but the fear and uncertainty haunts me and has made me very apprehensive about the future. Some of my friends say that they'll commit suicide if they don't perform well.
According to my experience, nothing is crucial in life. What is important in life is sincerity and determination. Parents must inculcate this spirit in their children. Qualifying an examination is good only for taking further admissions, and it is not necessary for having a better life in the future. Parents must educate their children on the principles of life and try to inculcate in them virtues like patience, wisdom, adjustment, realistic approach, and learning from failure, and knowing that it really doesn't matter if you don't get your way in everything. These are the things that alone come to use in real life. Topping in examinations is no guarantee that the person would also top in life. However, the person who is aware of the principles of life, then success follows.
Regarding suicide, I would say that you are judging yourself from others' eyes. This is completely wrong. You have to take decisions on your own, and discover your own worth. You have to try to be a self-made man, discover your potential and try to turn this potential into actuality. Suicide is not an option. Discover your potential and you will realise that suicide is akin to underestimating both yourself and the Creator.
I think I have a split personality that is compelling me on like a strict mentor. But pressure to match up to my friends hounds me, and I find that I am unable to concentrate. How do I deal with this?
The criterion of matching up to a friend or anyone else is not what decides who gets more marks in exams. It is more important that you understand the realities of life. The future of your friend in unknown, but it is a completely known fact that those superachievers who achieved great success in life, got so due to their inner qualities and not because of scoring more marks in an exam.
Don't take your friend as an ideal. There are thousands of such books which discuss the lives of successful persons. You should read these books and try to draw lessons from their lives.
Excessive academic stress is telling on my nerves. I sometimes go completely blank and I am on the verge of a breakdown. I want my family to talk to me more, but they leave me entirely alone saying that I shouldn't be disturbed. I am beginning to feel desperate. I have even thought of running away from home.
What your family is doing is out of love. In fact they are giving you more time to discover your capabilities. Then why complain? Take it as an opportunity. Your books are your best companions. Try to live on your own, then you won't complain about others. The other name for this attitude of yours is 'underestimation of yourself'. Knowing more about the lives of successful people is more important than making contact with family members, as the former gives you guidance for life, while the latter only give you emotional satisfaction.
There is a world beyond parents, friends, and school. You should try to increase your learning by knowing about this world. And, I will be thankful to the person who gives me more time by not coming to meet me.
What if I start panicking during my Math exam? I keep thinking about this and get tense, and this might make me blank out. I am deeply worried about this.
This is not a bad sign; it only means that you have some capability other than Mathematics. You should discover that capability and develop it; thus you will emerge a successful person. There are so many persons in history, in the present and the past, who were not good in Mathematics but emerged as heroes in practical life.
There are numerous subjects other than Mathematics. The Creator has given different capabilities to people so that in every field, people who can excel, emerge. You also have a special quality; discover it and try to make progress in that field.
